Insomnia and acupuncture

Two weeks ago I couldn't fall asleep til 4 am. The next night it continued. And the next. For 12 nights in a row. At first I took Benedryl and Unisom to try and sleep. But I was just really groggy and still awake. So after 4 nights of 2-3 hours of sleep I saw a doctor who just prescribed Ambien. It made me fall asleep for 3-4 hours without a REM cycle, then I would wake up and be wide awake at about 2 am. So I then took the natural route and got homeopathic drops, chamomile tea, did yoga, learned some meditation techniques, rubbed lavender oil on my feet, took Melatonin... nothing. It was so frustrating. I read, I lied awake, I tossed and turned. Miserable. Completely miserable. Then I heard acupuncture was helpful so I started that.

I have a small background in Chinese medicine from taking acupressure and Shiatsu in massage school. Not my favorite classes, but I really enjoyed the Eastern paradigms. I knew that everyone has both yin (the feminine) and yang (the masculine) energy. I knew that in Eastern medicine, when qi (or chi, which means life energy) is out of balance, physical symptoms appear. I knew that there are energetic channels through the body that run through specific organs and correlate to both an emotional component and a component of nature in the earth. I didn't connect too well with this paradigm because it isn't as concrete as the Western paradigm of physiology and hard measurable science. As I went to acupuncture I was seriously blown away with how much the practitioner picked up on and how thorough our consult was. At the doctor's office, she asked me about my stress level and my general health and concluded that I would take some prescriptions and if that didn't help, research showed that cognitive behavioral therapy might help. It was all very evidence-based practice. Don't get me wrong. That absolutely has a time and a place. If I had a premie baby, I would definitely want a physician with evidence-based practice or if I was getting invasive surgery... But since no one could figure out what was wrong with me, I was desperate to try anything.

During the consult he asked me thorough questions about my health in the last year. Did I generally run hot or cold? Did I feel tired through the day but wired at the same time? How has nursing been? What is my schedule like? How was my pregnancy and delivery? He then pointed out that it sounded like my yin energy was deficient. Yin is the compliment to yang that is all about resting, dark, cold, intuitive, night time, moon, flowing, inward, etc. After a year of pregnancy, delivery and baby, my yin energy was depleted. I was in a constant state of vigilance with nursing, being up all night, organizing my life with work and Justin's crazy schedule, trying to keep our lives together, that I hadn't spent any time nourishing the part of me that needs to rest. In Western terms, basically my adrenal glands were shot and anxiety had taken over so that my parasympathetic system was not working as it should. So at night, instead of calming my mind and resting, all I could do was lie there as my cortisol and epinephrine levels weren't regulating correctly. So for the past 3 days I have focused all my energy on nourishing myself to replenish the yin that is deficient. I believe that by doing this, my hormones will balance themselves out.

For anyone that still doesn't understand... yin energy is an essential part of your life. You spend most of the day exuding yang. You work, organize, clean, basically.... DO things. You rise with the sun (also a yang component of nature) and work/play all day. But during the day and night your body needs to rest, reflect, meditate, etc. It's both a physiological and emotional need. I had not nourished that side of me. As a result, my yang energy was normal but yin was depleted. The physical symptoms were manifesting as being too hot all the time (very unusual for me), having hot flashes, feeling the constant need to plan, make lists, do things, having a racing mind, and the inability to relax and sleep, even with powerful medications. Three days ago I decided to remedy this. I have been resting. I watched Avatar the last Airbender (because the Eastern paradigm is speaking loudly to me at this time), wrote, read, reflected, meditated, tried to nap, etc. I have also been consuming yin foods. This means foods that are super nourishing, moisture dense, high in calories, etc. (Foods like bananas, avocados, tofu, miso, potatoes, blackberries, sesame seeds, etc) I'm limiting how much I actually DO and have been trying to just BE. It's been an amazing shift. The more I slow down, the more tired and less wired I feel. And, magically, I have began to sleep. The first night, 10 hours, the second, 8 hours. I took Unisom, which I took last week without results, and this time it worked. I'm beginning to sleep. It's been amazing.

The point behind this post is my journey in finding healing. The other is me sharing my successful experience with a holistic approach. Would it work for everyone? Probably not. But it's just another thing to think about. When your body is out of balance and you are searching for answers, sometimes it's not about a cure-all drug from a doctor. (And sometimes it is.) Sometimes it's a journey to find what works best for you. The acupuncture has been really transformative for me. Not just because it's helping my insomnia. But because it has changed the way I think day-to-day about my life and health. Balance in all things. Yin and yang. I need to laugh and cry. To work and rest. To do and be. Right now I'm focusing on the being. So if you come over, just know my house isn't very pretty right now and the projects are on hold. We are in a state of reflection, meditation, an inward journey. There was a great episode in Avatar the last Airbender about this. (Yes, I watch anime. It's amazing and you should watch it too.) The bad guy finds the spirits of the moon and ocean. They represent yin and yang. The moon pulls the tide of the ocean so there is a push/pull relationship. The Avatar tries to save the spirit but the bad guy kills the moon spirit and everything goes dark and out of balance. The moon spirit is saved in the end, but it made me think about my own balance in life. We so much value accomplishment and success. Of course there is a time for it. We also feel like we must give and give and give. This is also a yang quality. We can only give so much before we are depleted physically and emotionally and spiritually. This is what happened to me. Do we value just BEING? Do we value introspection, intuitiveness, restfulness, and being in the present? Do we value being receptive to the gifts and help that is there for us? I had lost sight of it and now I'm working on restoring it in my own life. I had focused so much on giving and getting everything done and everyone in order that my own wisdom and intuition was going dark, like when the bad guy kills the moon spirit.

Anyway, just some thoughts. Eastern paradigms are amazing. So are Western. Eastern = yin. Western = yang. Both compliments to the same whole. I'm glad my insomnia seems to be clearing and I am finally able to journey inward and love myself and be receptive and still.

If you're interested, this is where I'm getting acupuncture: http://www.slcqi.com/

Skiing

Justin took our child skiing in the backcountry! Go ahead. Call CPS on us.
He put a GoPro on the backpack to film Richie's reactions. Here is the video he made...
Richie's First Time Skiing from Justin Henderson on Vimeo.

Christmas

A few days before Christmas we hosted a dinner for my family. Caroline and Jordan had driven from Seattle and we got a few cute pictures of the babies. I can't believe how big Noah is! This threenager is a crackup.

 

 Chris got Richie the cutest Christmas outfit for church. Of course I took the pants off because what baby isn't happier without pants??

This year I worked Christmas Eve in the morning to late afternoon. At home we opened a few early gifts and had dinner. For dinner I wanted to start a new tradition of eating a "Shepherd's dinner" to remember what it must have been like the night Christ was born. Instead of a fancy dinner we ate what was customary for the times in Israel (or at least what I could research on the internet was customary). So we ate dates, pomegranate, cooked lentils, pistachios, bread with oil and vinegar, and instead of wine sparkling grape juice.

On Christmas we had a nice simple morning at home. For the afternoon we went to the Hendersons for presents, a little lunch, and to Skype with the Hawaii cousins. It was precious to see Lucy and Bentley (the same age of 2) tell each other they missed each other and loved each other.

I don't have any pictures of Christmas evening. But we went to my Aunt Cathy's for dinner. My cousins from Oakland and Chicago had come home for a few weeks and it was great to see them. We had a yummy dinner and hung out and talked in regular McAvoy style.

This season Christmas was more meaningful to me than usual. Part of it was being a new parent and having a more full heart and a bigger family to love. Part of it was that I started to read Jesus the Christ by Talmage. It really opened my eyes to our Savior and His ministry and the divinity of His mission. There has been so much written about Him but this book makes it so real. And the historical context that is included makes the Savior so much more real. I highly recommend it to anyone struggling with a testimony of our Savior or if you just want a closer relationship with Him.

Winter Wonderland

Winter this year has been a tease. First, a ton of snow very early on. And now? Nothing. Super lame for skiers, for the resorts, for our water reserves, and for my dogs who usually have a blast frolicking in snow up to their ears (literally). We took advantage of the early snow and snowshoed a bunch with Richie. The first time we went it was FREEZING and we didn't have real snow gear for little Richie. So we used several pairs of socks for mittens, tons of socks, fleece jammies, fleece jacket, fleece pants, and put him in the Ergo and zipped our own down jackets around him. He was toasty for the most part. After that we got him proper gear for an early Christmas gift.

In mid-December my employer, Montage, threw a big employee party with fancy food (even had great vegan options), an awards ceremony, and a dance. We got all dressed up for it and had a great time. I showed Justin around the Spa I work in and the back of house (fancy term for employee-only areas of the hotel).

But in the end I was just happy to come home and be with my beautiful family.

Thanksgiving

This year we had Thanksgiving at my parent's house. I was shocked that everyone was so accomodating and we had DELICIOUS vegan food. Everything but the turkey and gravy was vegan. Thanks family!!! And, guess what, it was STILL delicious! Everyone thought so. My favorite was a stuffing my dad made with apples, celery and mushrooms. YUMMMMM!!

Mark Shallenberg took some more amazing photos of Richie.

On Black Friday I was bored and, wanting to get out of the house, decided it would be fun to see Temple Square on the first night of holiday lights.... Yeah. I didn't think it through too well. The crowds were horrendous. At least it's out of my system for the next 20+ years.

I don't remember when, but shortly after Thanksgiving we had dinner at the Shallenbergs (thanks for the yummy quinoa and curry, Martyna!). Mark took more great photos of Richie.

Sleep deprivation

I have been pretty open on Facebook about Richie's sleeping. For the first 3-4 months the colic kept Richie (and us) all night long. People told us at 2 weeks it would get better. It didn't. Then they said at 6 weeks most babies mellow out. Nope. Then someone said at 3 months it would change. Haha, not. We literally got up and down all night for months. To soothe, to feed, to change, to rock, sometimes just to put the binky back in his little piehole. The mornings when he would get up and babble like this would drive me nuts.

I lost my temper so many times. I said swear words I normally NEVER say. I screamed into my pillow. I punched walls and laid on the cement floor of the laundry room and cried. Yes, I am confessing all this. Why? Because if anyone of my friends/family reads this, they should know that it's ok. If you've been there, you know. Maybe we scarred Richie for life. I don't know. To be fair, he scarred us. It's amazing how a tiny, adorable, helpless child can make you feel like you are the worst human being on the planet. But it's okay. We survived through it. As a friend told me, through these experiences you build a great reservoir of strength. I hope so.  Sleep deprivation really brings out the worst in good people. It makes you depressed, unsatisfied, confused, etc.

This is how we felt most days for the first 6 1/2 months...

 Since Richie was awake so many hours at night this is what he did during the day on and off irregularly....

 At least, when he wasn't doing this.... (Koda and Porsche are the greatest dogs ever)

 

 

 Also, I found some pictures of Justin and I as a baby (yes, I had flaming red hair for a few months). Richie is such a great combo of us.

Richie and Marley

We are so lucky to have such great neighbors. Some of those include the Shallenbergs, who had a baby 4 months before us named Marley. Marley is such a sweet little one with fuzzy brown hair and little button eyes. Richie and Marley are destined to be great friends. Marley's dad, Mark, is also an incredible photographer who snapped these amazing photos one Sunday afternoon when we had lunch and a playdate with Marley and Marley's girl, Izzy. I love how well he captured Richie's expressions and the vibrant colors in the photos. Here's one of the them more recently that was taken by Marley's mom, Martyna from her phone. Aren't they adorable??