Friday, December 14, 2012

The dog ate my phone and I had kidney stones

The title of this post says it all. I always knew dogs could eat homework, but a phone??? You've got to be kidding me. It all happened one day while I was outside raking the millions of leaves scattered across our front lawn. I had only been gone maybe 30 minutes before I came inside for gloves. There on the floor was little miss Porsche chewing on my cell phone. Yep. Bits of phone everywhere and parts were missing, which I can only assume she swallowed. She is, afterall, a garbage disposal who is infamous for eating my earplugs (which are essential for me for a good night's sleep given my light sleeping condition), earrings, garbage, paper, etc. My phone was trashed.

Everyone teases me because I hadn't jumped on the smart phone bandwagon yet and so I used this opportunity to justify getting a smartphone. Justin found an iphone 4 on KSL, 32 GB, for $210. Deal.

The next day was Saturday, which was my first and only Saturday off of the whole year. I wanted to take advantage so I went Christmas decoration shopping, ate a waffle from the waffle truck, set up the tree, decorated, etc. That night I was going to a meeting with an instructor I would be co-teaching with at Healing Mountain Massage School. More about that later. Then I would be meeting Justin at his family's favorite restaurant, Five Alls, for dinner with the adults. As soon as I hopped in the shower the McAvoy family menace started rearing its ugly head. Back pain, really bad, right over my right kidney. I immediately drank straight lemon juice, a liter of water, and took 4 tylenol. I hoped it would get better before my meeting.

I took off for the meeting, had a great time and talked about some really interesting stuff for the class. The pain grew steadily worse. As soon as I left for the restaurant, the pain grew more intense and I considered running home for my stash of Lortab... until I realized I was out of my nausea medication, which would mean the Lortab would be coming right back up. I got the to the restaurant, told Justin the problem, and said that going to the ER was probably the best course of action. No chicken kiev for Justin. And no baked halibut for me. :(

As soon as we got to the ER they only had me waiting 10 minutes before rushing me in, taking my vitals and hooking me up to morphine. Glorious morphine. And Zofran for the nausea. Well, after the nurse insisted on inserting the IV into a vein that I told him over and over would collapse. It did collapse, by the way, and having him dig around my arm and cause a 4 inch hematoma in my forearm which I use EVERYDAY to massage people with was super fun. But at least it took my mind off the kidney pain.

We were there 5 hours. Apparently the conversation was pretty funny. I didn't realize it at the time. I asked Justin if a handle on the overhead light was a penis. I also told him, after appearing dead asleep, that when Elmer Fudd tried to poison Bugs Bunny with carrots he was doing the impossible. Obviously carrots are too small. I also listed for a 2-3 minutes all the people that loved Justin, including his parents, bishop, hairdresser, teachers, etc.

After an ultrasound that revealed no stones, but a blocked ureter, the doctor told me he couldn't diagnose me with anything but back pain and sent me home. My new nurse forgot about me for an hour after the doctor had signed the discharge papers, I had to call the station to ask them for more medication after the pain started to return. Then he tried to give me medication without the nausea medication. I had to remind him of the doctor's orders. Sometimes our medical system scares me. Good thing I actually pay attention to what they do.

The next morning I passed 5 stones. The next day two more. But, officially, I only had "back pain." Jerks.




Anyway! Yes, I have a new part time job. I was offered a job after teaching a class of students about our hydrotherapy techniques at Spa Montage. I am a new Hydrotherapy and Advanced Massage Techniques instructor at a very cool, mostly hippie, school calling Healing Mountain Massage. I think my big plan is to cut back at the Spa over the next year, and get more full time into teaching massage and having private clients that I provide in-home massage to. Why? Well, thanks for asking. It's just that working at the Spa is not a very supportive environment for new mommies. And by the end of June I will be a new mommy. So that's that. I would like to transition my career into a more part-time piece of my life so my full-time commitment can be to our new little baby and my wonderful husband. Yay! (And that, apparently, is why I am getting a crazy amount of kidney stones. My OB said they would be increasing for my pregnancy. But on the upside, I haven't had morning sickness. So I traded throwing up constantly with crazy pain ending in peeing little pebbles everyday. But at least we get a reward for it all in 6 months!)

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